Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

[andys]

I was watching porn last night when my girlfriend walked in. It wasn't the best way to find out about her new job.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I have a copy of the 1982 Radio Times if anybody wants to know what's on the BBC this Christmas!

 

[andys]

I have a copy of the 1982 Radio Times if anybody wants to know what's on the BBC this Christmas!

Since we all "own" the Beeb through our TV license payments, we should be glad that they are prudent with our money. Getting all their programs from a charity shop is something we should surely applaud.

 

[legendrider]

Royal Mail sell-off announced

The Czech's in the post

 

[hoehlenforscher]

I spent years building a model Bentley with parts from a magazine but missed the edition which included the driver. All that time and effort and nothing to chauffeur it.

 

[andys]

I got a rejection letter from the origami university yesterday. I’m not sure what to make of it.

 

[legendrider]

"Doctor, every time I sneeze I get an erection."

"Have you been taking anything for it?"

"Pepper"

 

[pwhole]

I just got my new KGB advent calendar. Every time you open a window an oligarch falls out.

 

[tony from suffolk]

We went out to dinner last night; the waiter came over to our table and said “For starters we have Badger Soup, followed by Badger Roast, and finishing with Badger Mousse", I said," Is there anything else to eat apart from Badger"?,The Waiter said “No,It's a Sett Menu".

 

[andys]

Walkers - nah! Korean crisps are the dogs bollocks.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

What does a transvestite do on Xmas day? Eat, drink and be Mary.

 

[hoehlenforscher]

I got a rejection letter from the origami university yesterday. I’m not sure what to make of it.

I heard that overall the course worked out quite expensive. Pay-per lesson

 

[legendrider]

I heard that overall the course worked out quite expensive. Pay-per lesson

Too expensive - they folded.

 

[hoehlenforscher]

I'm glued to a park bench with Dwayne Johnson to one side of me and a fish with a flick-knife on the other. I'm now stuck between a rock and a hard plaice.

 

[Loki]

How is a man like the weather?
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.

 

[hyweldavies]

Too expensive - they folded.

Reminds me of a bonsai tree shop near me. They were so successful they moved to smaller premises

 

[Mrs Trellis]

A penguin goes in a bar and orders a pint of lager. The barman asks "Was your brother in here last night ?"
The penguin says "I don't know - what did he look like ?"

 

[Mrs Trellis]

We won't be having any Christmas cake this year - it was stollen.

 

[tony from suffolk]

I hate Christmas.
I work all year to buy my kids the presents they want and what happens on Christmas morning? The fat one with the beard gets all the credit!
Still... My fault for marrying her.

 

[Loki]

What’s with all the rampant misogyny on this thread?