hoehlenforscher
Active member
I met a Mobius Strip one evening, sitting alone, sobbing inconsolably
“whats wrong?” I asked
“where do I even begin?”
“whats wrong?” I asked
“where do I even begin?”
Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
- Thread starter Mrs Trellis
- Start date
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
Liverpool police stopped a car & were amazed to find it taxed, valid MOT & insured.
It wasn't stolen, there were no stolen goods or drugs.
The driver was sober & had a full clean licence...
A police spokesman said, "We had no option but to fine him £80 for wasting police time!"
It wasn't stolen, there were no stolen goods or drugs.
The driver was sober & had a full clean licence...
A police spokesman said, "We had no option but to fine him £80 for wasting police time!"
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
I'm going to take up coin collecting...
The change will do me good!
The change will do me good!
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
I need to re-home a dog. It's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot.
If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you!
If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you!
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
I've just read that The Innuendo Society has seen a huge rise in its members.
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
The dog has eaten all the Scrabble tiles..........now he's leaving little messages all over the place.
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
My wife is blaming me for ruining her birthday… that's ridiculous, I didn't even know it was her birthday!
hyweldavies
Member
A girl goes into a bar and orders a double entendre. ... so the barman gave her one.
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
Funeral costs are so bloody expensive these days...
.....at my mother-in-law's after paying for the bouncy castle and pony rides, I could barely afford the face-painting!
.....at my mother-in-law's after paying for the bouncy castle and pony rides, I could barely afford the face-painting!
hyweldavies
Member
and another girl asked for a single entendre ... so the barman f***d her
RobinGriffiths
Well-known member
Barry Cryer joke..
A woman walks past a petshop and spots a magnificent parrot in the window.
She rushes inside and says, ‘How much for the parrot?’
‘£5,’ says the shopkeeper.
‘Only £5? I’ve got to have it,’ says the woman. ‘Why’s it so cheap?’
‘Well, I must confess, it was brought up in a brothel,’ said the shopkeeper. ‘And, to put it politely, it has quite an extensive vocabulary.’
‘Never mind,’ says the woman. ‘At that price, I’ll take it.’
So she takes the parrot home, puts its cage in the living room and takes the cover off.
‘New place - very nice,’ says the parrot.
Then the woman’s two daughters walk in.
‘New place, new girls - very nice,’ says the parrot.
Then the woman’s husband walks in, and the parrot says, ‘Oh hello, Keith!’
A woman walks past a petshop and spots a magnificent parrot in the window.
She rushes inside and says, ‘How much for the parrot?’
‘£5,’ says the shopkeeper.
‘Only £5? I’ve got to have it,’ says the woman. ‘Why’s it so cheap?’
‘Well, I must confess, it was brought up in a brothel,’ said the shopkeeper. ‘And, to put it politely, it has quite an extensive vocabulary.’
‘Never mind,’ says the woman. ‘At that price, I’ll take it.’
So she takes the parrot home, puts its cage in the living room and takes the cover off.
‘New place - very nice,’ says the parrot.
Then the woman’s two daughters walk in.
‘New place, new girls - very nice,’ says the parrot.
Then the woman’s husband walks in, and the parrot says, ‘Oh hello, Keith!’
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
Baz's parrot joke #2
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
There's a way of telling the sex of an orange...
If it squirts in your eye without warning, it's male.
If it's bitter for no apparent reason, it's female!
If it squirts in your eye without warning, it's male.
If it's bitter for no apparent reason, it's female!
legendrider
Active member
Just treated myself to a new book
"A Guide to Keeping Budgerigars" by Hugh Zapretti-Boyden.
"A Guide to Keeping Budgerigars" by Hugh Zapretti-Boyden.
legendrider
Active member
The Force is just like duct tape....
it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together
it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together
