hoehlenforscher
Active member
Just found out that A Tale of Two Cities was originally serialised in two local newspapers.
It was The Bicester Times, it was the Worcester Times.
It was The Bicester Times, it was the Worcester Times.
Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
- Thread starter Mrs Trellis
- Start date
alanw
Well-known member
Please can we have a "groan" emoji? That's the second one today, after the Ikea one.
Speleofish
Active member
Ouch. Very good but definitely Ouch....
Robert Scott
Member
Absolutely brillant.
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
HMRC has written saying my tax return is "outstanding".
I thought it was pretty good as well , though I don't remember sending it in.
I thought it was pretty good as well , though I don't remember sending it in.
legendrider
Active member
Whats the most dangerous place on a container ship?
the bridge.
the bridge.
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
As a plane is about to crash, a female passenger announces, "If I'm going to die I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes her clothes and says
"Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and replies
"Here love, iron this!"
She removes her clothes and says
"Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and replies
"Here love, iron this!"
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
Still haven't sold any copies of my autobiography...................story of my life really.
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
There are 70 ways to keep a man happy.
One is alcohol... The rest is 69!
One is alcohol... The rest is 69!
tony from suffolk
Well-known member
A man goes in for an interview for a job as a TV news broadcaster. The interview went quite well but the trouble was he kept winking and stammering.
The interviewer said, “Although you have a lot of the qualities we’re looking for, the fact that you keep winking and stammering disqualifies you.”
“Oh, that’s no problem,” said the man. “If I take a couple of aspirin I stop winking and stammering for an hour.”
“Show me,” said the interviewer.
So the man reached into his pocket. Embarrassingly he pulled out loads of condoms of every variety - colored and everything before he found the packet of aspirin. He took the aspirin and soon talked perfectly and stopped winking.
The interviewer said, “That’s amazing, but I don’t think we could employ someone who’d be womanizing all over the country.”
“Excuse me!” exclaimed the man, “I’m a happily married man, not a womanizer!”
“Well how do you explain all the condoms, then?” asked the interviewer.
The man replied, “Have you ever gone into a pharmacy, stammering and winking, and asked for a packet of aspirin?”
The interviewer said, “Although you have a lot of the qualities we’re looking for, the fact that you keep winking and stammering disqualifies you.”
“Oh, that’s no problem,” said the man. “If I take a couple of aspirin I stop winking and stammering for an hour.”
“Show me,” said the interviewer.
So the man reached into his pocket. Embarrassingly he pulled out loads of condoms of every variety - colored and everything before he found the packet of aspirin. He took the aspirin and soon talked perfectly and stopped winking.
The interviewer said, “That’s amazing, but I don’t think we could employ someone who’d be womanizing all over the country.”
“Excuse me!” exclaimed the man, “I’m a happily married man, not a womanizer!”
“Well how do you explain all the condoms, then?” asked the interviewer.
The man replied, “Have you ever gone into a pharmacy, stammering and winking, and asked for a packet of aspirin?”
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
New radio station to be launched - BBC Radio 0.
The BBC has responded to noise pollution complaints and will introduce a totally silent radio station in a few weeks. They are now testing potential announcers for their silent ability.
The BBC has responded to noise pollution complaints and will introduce a totally silent radio station in a few weeks. They are now testing potential announcers for their silent ability.
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
"Dad, why is my sister called Teresa?"
"Because your mum loves Easter and Teresa is an anagram of Easter."
"Thanks Dad."
"No problem Alan!"
"Because your mum loves Easter and Teresa is an anagram of Easter."
"Thanks Dad."
"No problem Alan!"
wormster
Active member
I'm in I have a 7 minute track called "The Sound Of Silence" by Marcel Marso!
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
My wife thought a dirty weekend away would be good for our marriage.
I guess we'll find out when I get back.
I guess we'll find out when I get back.
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
Two dyslexics are in a kitchen, one says to the other, "Can you smell food?"
The other replies, "I can’t even smell my own name!"
The other replies, "I can’t even smell my own name!"
RobinGriffiths
Well-known member
Bulglars broke into the local Police Station last night and stole the toilet.
Police say they have nothing to go on.
Police say they have nothing to go on.
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
A recent study has shown that women who carry extra weight tend to live longer than the men who mention it!
