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After such an amazing experience on last years adventure into the Parisian netherworld I was almost loathe to return to it for fear that the experience could never match up to that fabled first time, even now, a year on I find that some of those memories still make me grin and I often remind myself that I really was there and it really did take place.
I believe you can have a little too much excitement however, the only Paris I have ever known has been one of adrenalin, furious metro dashes, cramming down Big Macs with trembling hands and jangling nerves and frantic dashes down nameless streets whilst maintaining that we aren't hopelessly lost. Therefore perhaps I have mellowed slightly from the previous year but this time I found myself seeking a far slower paced trip, one that not only involved seeing far more, but also entailed being detained, interrogated and aimed at far less.
Not only were my own hopes riding on this vision of mine but also the hopes of the select few errant accomplices that had foolishly accepted an invitation to come along, as with last year some of the original die hard crazies had returned for more, namely Cookie, Root and myself, yet this year we found ourselves joined by LesW, Walrus and Laura all very keen to experience what the dark depths of Paris had to offer.
Truly it has a lot to offer, ossuaries, art, history both modern and ancient, tales and legends, so much detail down there presents itself to the keen eye and yet there are so very few answers to the origins of the many carvings, murals, mosaics and sculptures that can be found in abundance within it's depths.
Of course any seriousness and ceremony for this trip stood little chance of realisation with the presence of a select few jokers, although I count myself amongst them (and by them I mean Les and Cookie) and thus from the very start it was clear that most if not all of the trip would be fraught with the shambolic disorganisation and fevered one up manship that I had grown accustomed to (and often encouraged and instigated) in the presence of these two.
From the moment I was collected there were disparaging comments about the small amount of stuff I had brought, people couldn't believe that I could manage to pack all I needed into one small backpack. I didn't have the heart to explain that I packed my bag on the criteria that I would be able to break into a sprint at any time, the advice was generally to pack light but to pack right, therefore it was a clearly down to Les to buck this trend by packing absolutely everything he possibly could, including walkie talkies, an 8inch cooking lighter, a pan, a stove, general tea making equipment, a pillow... the end result looked something similar to this.
Packmule, Photograph courtesy of David Cooke
Of course, any feelings of inconvenience he might have experienced lugging it all the mile or so to St Pancras station were as nothing compared to the examination that awaited him at security, a debacle that I shall possibly never forget, it really was that funny.
With Les being the last to pass through security it was with some amusement that we all watched them pull him aside and start rifling through his pack, Root and myself propped up a nearby pillar and like the big kid I am I called out the various items security pulled out of his bag with some amusement. It went something like this "Cup", "Gas lighter" .... "A pot"... "A stove full of petrol", "Some walkie talkies".... which is about the time I realised that Les had brought all the items required to make security very nervous........it was no surprise then when I watched one of the guards produce a special device and begin swabbing the contents of Les's bags, this would have started to look like quite a serious incident and I would have almost had to stop laughing if it wasn't for what happened next.
Cookie, Laura and Walrus were behind a barrier some distance away from us and obviously trying to capture the hilarity of the moment had started to take photographs of me bent double in hysterics, the next thing I heard were two guards had been dispatched to seize them and their cameras, and so whilst Cookie and Laura were out of earshot and oblivious to this, all Root and myself could do was watch (and laugh) hysterically as they too got lynched by security, In the midst of all this we met up with Paulo again who had been with us on the previous years trip, it was only a very brief meeting though because security took him away, along with the hammer that they had just removed from his pack...
So there I am, in St Pancras leaning against a pillar with Mr dickplaces, both of us trying desperately to pretend that we don't know these people whilst also trying to keep a straight face, Les who is in front of us getting scrutinised and interrogated by security and behind us, Laura, Cookie and Walrus who are currently in the process of having their cameras vetted and their memory cards wiped, whilst receiving a lecture on security protocol. What an absolute shambles, and the trip hasn't even bloody well started!
Needless to say Les had his stove confiscated and they all had their cameras wiped, I believe I found myself apologising to Root about what was clearly going to be an ill fated and desperate trip of gross incompetence, before quickly moving on to make fun of Les who would now be enjoying cold cups of tea for the duration of the trip.
Hoping to put all this behind us in Paris, we disembarked and got ourselves changed and ready to go underground, we had maps and a plan and this year we were determined everything would go correctly, serendipity visited Les in the form of a chance meeting with OT who was kind enough to lend him a stove (much to my dismay, I still had a lot more value to get out of that).
Entrance to the catacombs is changing all the time, no sooner have the authorities and police welded one manhole shut, and the Cataphiles have already wrenched a new one open, it is a constant battle and as a result information is the greatest asset, OT was spot on as he always is and told us about a fantastic new entrance that would plunge us right into the heart of the catacombs not only bypassing all the risky areas but also saving us nearly two hours of trekking and anxiety.
Even so, it was a risky entrance, right in the heart of Paris and on the pavement in rush hour... and as we discussed the gameplan in McDonald's, the atmosphere was one of nervousness and uncertainty.
Once we were all finally ready we set the plan into motion and whilst the specifics of the entry point won't be discussed, I am fairly sure that for many it was one of the highlights of the trip, it was something that you probably wouldn't get the chance to do more than once in a lifetime and as such was an unforgettable experience.
There we were, finally... in umbral silence, we had descended from the noise and bustle of the Paris skyline to the nearly deafening quiet of this hidden underworld, a wonderful contrast as we quietly got ourselves changed at the bottom of the ladder, some 100 foot under the street whilst in front and behind of us dark passageways stretched so far as to almost seem endless.
Root was leading this trip and so we put our faith in him and set off for the grand traverse.
Ossuary, Photograph courtesy Of David Cooke.
The first stop was the Ossuary which was one of the places that I have been most keen to see, here there are chambers and hallways literally filled to the roof with human bones, yellowed with age and piled high in great jumbled heaps, many were shattered and broken, perhaps indicative of the journey from their place of burial in the once overpopulated Parisian graveyards to the now rarely visited and less than ceremonious chambers that has become their second final resting ground. Skulls and pelvic bones are something of a rarity, despite the overwhelming frequency of just about every other bone you could imagine (or indeed possess) more than likelythis is because they were pilfered by the morbid and eccentric to serve as some macabre trophy or mantle adornment.
I found myself picking my way carefully over the bones and musing on how in these sugar coated times this place offers an undeniable glimpse into a future that we will all have waiting for us, however before I got completely lost in philosophical ramblings it dawned on me that I had no idea what the owners of these bones had died of and it was on the basis of this realisation that I beat a hasty retreat whilst unwelcome facts about Plague and Smallpox and Scarlet fever presented themselves to my mind in a most unhelpful manner.
Our next stop 'Le Local' was a fantastic room with carved stone benches and crystal chandeliers hanging from the roof, situated on one of the main junctions it was surprising to see how well preserved the room was, with the chandeliers looking like they might be more at home adorning a ballroom in some stately manor, It was certainly a strange contrast and whilst I doubt they were installed by the original quarrymen, they certainly added an interesting touch.
'Le Local' Photograph courtesy of David Cooke
Onwards we trudged and our next destination proved to be not only fascinating but also educational, whilst the catacombs served many purposes in the past, one of the most important would have been in the wartime, such a large underground network would be a strategic boon to any occupying force or sheltering citzen and could be converted into an almost impregnable bastion with little to no work needed to make it so. Thus we found ourselves in the Pharmacy shelter which was a maze of rooms and chambers often partitioned by gigantic iron doors, possibly weighing a ton or more each and long since rusted in place. Exploring this network of passageways and staircases was as exciting, and certainly as informative as any museum tour, this was history in your face... the German signs forbidding smoking (Rauchen Verboten), the masses of rusted cable and decaying iron work and the absolutely squalid yet somewhat charismatic German crapper, the whole area served as a most excellent and well preserved time capsule for the lucky few to walk amongst and experience.
'Nazi crapper' Photo courtesy of David Cooke
Continued in part two.
I believe you can have a little too much excitement however, the only Paris I have ever known has been one of adrenalin, furious metro dashes, cramming down Big Macs with trembling hands and jangling nerves and frantic dashes down nameless streets whilst maintaining that we aren't hopelessly lost. Therefore perhaps I have mellowed slightly from the previous year but this time I found myself seeking a far slower paced trip, one that not only involved seeing far more, but also entailed being detained, interrogated and aimed at far less.
Not only were my own hopes riding on this vision of mine but also the hopes of the select few errant accomplices that had foolishly accepted an invitation to come along, as with last year some of the original die hard crazies had returned for more, namely Cookie, Root and myself, yet this year we found ourselves joined by LesW, Walrus and Laura all very keen to experience what the dark depths of Paris had to offer.
Truly it has a lot to offer, ossuaries, art, history both modern and ancient, tales and legends, so much detail down there presents itself to the keen eye and yet there are so very few answers to the origins of the many carvings, murals, mosaics and sculptures that can be found in abundance within it's depths.
Of course any seriousness and ceremony for this trip stood little chance of realisation with the presence of a select few jokers, although I count myself amongst them (and by them I mean Les and Cookie) and thus from the very start it was clear that most if not all of the trip would be fraught with the shambolic disorganisation and fevered one up manship that I had grown accustomed to (and often encouraged and instigated) in the presence of these two.
From the moment I was collected there were disparaging comments about the small amount of stuff I had brought, people couldn't believe that I could manage to pack all I needed into one small backpack. I didn't have the heart to explain that I packed my bag on the criteria that I would be able to break into a sprint at any time, the advice was generally to pack light but to pack right, therefore it was a clearly down to Les to buck this trend by packing absolutely everything he possibly could, including walkie talkies, an 8inch cooking lighter, a pan, a stove, general tea making equipment, a pillow... the end result looked something similar to this.
Packmule, Photograph courtesy of David Cooke
Of course, any feelings of inconvenience he might have experienced lugging it all the mile or so to St Pancras station were as nothing compared to the examination that awaited him at security, a debacle that I shall possibly never forget, it really was that funny.
With Les being the last to pass through security it was with some amusement that we all watched them pull him aside and start rifling through his pack, Root and myself propped up a nearby pillar and like the big kid I am I called out the various items security pulled out of his bag with some amusement. It went something like this "Cup", "Gas lighter" .... "A pot"... "A stove full of petrol", "Some walkie talkies".... which is about the time I realised that Les had brought all the items required to make security very nervous........it was no surprise then when I watched one of the guards produce a special device and begin swabbing the contents of Les's bags, this would have started to look like quite a serious incident and I would have almost had to stop laughing if it wasn't for what happened next.
Cookie, Laura and Walrus were behind a barrier some distance away from us and obviously trying to capture the hilarity of the moment had started to take photographs of me bent double in hysterics, the next thing I heard were two guards had been dispatched to seize them and their cameras, and so whilst Cookie and Laura were out of earshot and oblivious to this, all Root and myself could do was watch (and laugh) hysterically as they too got lynched by security, In the midst of all this we met up with Paulo again who had been with us on the previous years trip, it was only a very brief meeting though because security took him away, along with the hammer that they had just removed from his pack...
So there I am, in St Pancras leaning against a pillar with Mr dickplaces, both of us trying desperately to pretend that we don't know these people whilst also trying to keep a straight face, Les who is in front of us getting scrutinised and interrogated by security and behind us, Laura, Cookie and Walrus who are currently in the process of having their cameras vetted and their memory cards wiped, whilst receiving a lecture on security protocol. What an absolute shambles, and the trip hasn't even bloody well started!
Needless to say Les had his stove confiscated and they all had their cameras wiped, I believe I found myself apologising to Root about what was clearly going to be an ill fated and desperate trip of gross incompetence, before quickly moving on to make fun of Les who would now be enjoying cold cups of tea for the duration of the trip.
Hoping to put all this behind us in Paris, we disembarked and got ourselves changed and ready to go underground, we had maps and a plan and this year we were determined everything would go correctly, serendipity visited Les in the form of a chance meeting with OT who was kind enough to lend him a stove (much to my dismay, I still had a lot more value to get out of that).
Entrance to the catacombs is changing all the time, no sooner have the authorities and police welded one manhole shut, and the Cataphiles have already wrenched a new one open, it is a constant battle and as a result information is the greatest asset, OT was spot on as he always is and told us about a fantastic new entrance that would plunge us right into the heart of the catacombs not only bypassing all the risky areas but also saving us nearly two hours of trekking and anxiety.
Even so, it was a risky entrance, right in the heart of Paris and on the pavement in rush hour... and as we discussed the gameplan in McDonald's, the atmosphere was one of nervousness and uncertainty.
Once we were all finally ready we set the plan into motion and whilst the specifics of the entry point won't be discussed, I am fairly sure that for many it was one of the highlights of the trip, it was something that you probably wouldn't get the chance to do more than once in a lifetime and as such was an unforgettable experience.
There we were, finally... in umbral silence, we had descended from the noise and bustle of the Paris skyline to the nearly deafening quiet of this hidden underworld, a wonderful contrast as we quietly got ourselves changed at the bottom of the ladder, some 100 foot under the street whilst in front and behind of us dark passageways stretched so far as to almost seem endless.
Root was leading this trip and so we put our faith in him and set off for the grand traverse.
Ossuary, Photograph courtesy Of David Cooke.
The first stop was the Ossuary which was one of the places that I have been most keen to see, here there are chambers and hallways literally filled to the roof with human bones, yellowed with age and piled high in great jumbled heaps, many were shattered and broken, perhaps indicative of the journey from their place of burial in the once overpopulated Parisian graveyards to the now rarely visited and less than ceremonious chambers that has become their second final resting ground. Skulls and pelvic bones are something of a rarity, despite the overwhelming frequency of just about every other bone you could imagine (or indeed possess) more than likelythis is because they were pilfered by the morbid and eccentric to serve as some macabre trophy or mantle adornment.
I found myself picking my way carefully over the bones and musing on how in these sugar coated times this place offers an undeniable glimpse into a future that we will all have waiting for us, however before I got completely lost in philosophical ramblings it dawned on me that I had no idea what the owners of these bones had died of and it was on the basis of this realisation that I beat a hasty retreat whilst unwelcome facts about Plague and Smallpox and Scarlet fever presented themselves to my mind in a most unhelpful manner.
Our next stop 'Le Local' was a fantastic room with carved stone benches and crystal chandeliers hanging from the roof, situated on one of the main junctions it was surprising to see how well preserved the room was, with the chandeliers looking like they might be more at home adorning a ballroom in some stately manor, It was certainly a strange contrast and whilst I doubt they were installed by the original quarrymen, they certainly added an interesting touch.
'Le Local' Photograph courtesy of David Cooke
Onwards we trudged and our next destination proved to be not only fascinating but also educational, whilst the catacombs served many purposes in the past, one of the most important would have been in the wartime, such a large underground network would be a strategic boon to any occupying force or sheltering citzen and could be converted into an almost impregnable bastion with little to no work needed to make it so. Thus we found ourselves in the Pharmacy shelter which was a maze of rooms and chambers often partitioned by gigantic iron doors, possibly weighing a ton or more each and long since rusted in place. Exploring this network of passageways and staircases was as exciting, and certainly as informative as any museum tour, this was history in your face... the German signs forbidding smoking (Rauchen Verboten), the masses of rusted cable and decaying iron work and the absolutely squalid yet somewhat charismatic German crapper, the whole area served as a most excellent and well preserved time capsule for the lucky few to walk amongst and experience.
'Nazi crapper' Photo courtesy of David Cooke
Continued in part two.