Darkness
More cavers than you might have guessed tell me that they have experienced claustrophobia at some point, though I would venture to suggest, though I confess to no psychological training, that it is unlikely. What I suspect is that, whilst in a small space, a temporary increase in CO2, from their very presence - causes the heart to pump and anxiety to creep in. I think that I may have, though ironically it was in one of the world's largest underground chambers. I was 23, and I was leading a trip into Torca de la Carlista in Northern Spain, my second visit to the cave. For those who don?t know it - there is a broken 60m pitch, followed by a free hanging 90m pitch from the high point in the roof straight into a huge chamber. The chamber, La Sala GEV, was then thought to be the second largest chamber in the world, but nowadays it doesn't even make the top ten. The 90m pitch was a drop into blackness. We were using carbide lamps then, so you could see almost nothing beyond about 10m, and looking down, the darkness was total. So solidly black, that as I was rigging, I reached out to touch it. As I slowly abseiled down - feeding the creaky Marlow rope out of the bag as I went, I became quite disoriented. I was convinced I was going to bump into the blackness, for, apart from a rope disappearing through steam above and the bag below my feet, I could 'see' only blackness. Then in a moment ? ?puft? - my carbide went out. No problem, after five weeks caving in The Picos, my SRT was spot on, and I locked-off and reached for my backup light and turned it on.......nothing, zilch. I could smell the carbide but nothing I could do would coax life into my main light or the electric backup. At this point, one starts off feeling a bit of a plonker, especially as I had told the others to give me 90 minutes to rig these pitches and then follow down. So, I probably had an hour to wait for some light. I waited for a few minutes - but that soon became uncomfortable, so I weighed up the best approach. A rack on four bars - it's going to get a bit faster as I descend, but even if I couldn?t get the fifth bar in place in total darkness, I should be able to control the descent. Could I judge the speed? To a point just through feel, I decided to go for it. I tried the lights once more - nothing - and consigned myself to the abseil. I guessed there was 70m to go. I had backed the bags, so I knew the rope was tied in well to the bag. Gingerly I descended, I could feel myself spinning, but nothing bad. The solid blackness consuming my descent, expecting to be able to touch it, expecting to see something as my eyes were wide open. The anxiety began to grow. I was beginning to feel crushed by the solid blackness. I then felt a jolt, I locked up immediately - had I hit the blackness - or the ground. No - the bag was still heavy with rope. It must have been one of those Marlow Rope ?creaks?, it really was the spookiest of ropes - 11mm and so stiff. Thankfully there is much better rope these days. I found it was better to shut my eyes and continue, I was sure I was going slowly as my rack was not getting too hot and if it did - it was an excuse to stop and rest. I found locking off quite easy, but I knew it was just a soft lock. I was sure that I succeeded in wrapping a loop around my leg too, but everything was by feel. I really was beginning to feel sick, and my braking arm was starting to cramp. Then I heard the welcome sound of the rope bag touch the floor, followed by my feet. I lowered myself to lie flat on the ground and I just rested. I'm sure I couldn't have detached myself from the rope in the blackness, even if my hands had not been completely useless from cramp. I lay there for ages - I couldn't come off the rope, I had no idea what I was lying on - it felt like solid rock. So, I just released the tension in the rope and shut my eyes. With nothing to do the claustrophobia got worse. I hugged myself to give myself a clue as to what was pressing against me. At last noises and light appeared above. I called back. Even the pinprick of light was enough - my orientation restored - the claustrophobia was instantly gone. I still wanted to vomit, and my braking arm was killing me. I lay there - just watching the growing light. I imagined it like coming out of a coma, brain cells firing up one by one. The light came gently, firstly just the shaft in the roof, then the chamber walls. Flickering shadows and light, creeping down the chamber walls, oddly blue. I still couldn't see where I was but became aware of the cloud of steam surrounding me. The solid blackness was clearing, the blues turning to browns, then clearer noises, confused by echoes but blasted into reality with a superb caving 'wooo haah'. I could see now to stand and found i was on a rock surface surrounded by larger boulders - it was good. The cave walls once again faded into blackness - a friendly blackness this time as my eyes adjusted to my colleague's light. When he arrived - I looked at my light - the hose had detached from the reservoir - I replaced it, flicked the trigger and phomph! reality restored. "Good idea", my colleague said'; "I'm sorry", I replied not understanding his thoughts. "You'll have had a really good view of the chamber with just my light".