Author Topic: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.  (Read 1441853 times)

Offline Robert Scott

  • forum star
  • ****
  • Posts: 520
  • A Yorkshireman with a Scottish father
    • http://www.hughendon.btinternet.co.uk
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7450 on: June 03, 2021, 10:11:28 pm »
Quote
Really shocking scenes on the seafront today.

A man and a woman, with a baby, were arguing - then the woman hit her husband and he hit her back and it all kicked off.

A policeman came to try and stop them and the man grabbed his baton and beat him with it. All this in front of loads of kids!

Then a crocodile came along and stole their sausages!

Eh!? Give us a clue, that "joke" makes no sense.

Offline Alex

  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 4297
  • BRCC, UWFRA.
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7451 on: June 03, 2021, 10:38:59 pm »
Wow, that's well before my time. That joke should come with a warning, must be aged 50 or above lol.  :dig:

EDIT: I see the video is from 2018, did not know it was still going!

Anything I say is represents my own opinion and not that of a any club/organisation that I am a member of (unless its good of course)

Offline tony from suffolk

  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 3053
  • Old codger
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7452 on: June 04, 2021, 09:00:28 am »
Wow, that's well before my time. That joke should come with a warning, must be aged 50 or above lol.  :dig:

But I thought everyone on this forum was over 50...
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline Mrs Trellis

  • British Jobs for British Shirkers
  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 1265
  • Daft old bat
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7453 on: June 04, 2021, 01:01:34 pm »
What do you call a typo on a headstone?

A grave error!
Mrs Trellis
Upper Sheeps Bottom
North Wales

Offline Martin Wright

  • regular
  • *
  • Posts: 63
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7454 on: June 04, 2021, 01:42:57 pm »
Just came across this, and thought you lot would like it:
An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
The deepest solace lies in understanding this ancient unseen stream

Offline Mrs Trellis

  • British Jobs for British Shirkers
  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 1265
  • Daft old bat
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7455 on: June 08, 2021, 09:05:41 am »
I’m getting really fed up of people moaning about paying £3 for a coffee or a tea, £5 for a sandwich and £10 for parking. If it continues I’m going to stop inviting people over to my house
Mrs Trellis
Upper Sheeps Bottom
North Wales

Offline andys

  • Outside its dropped to under zero, but I'm warm on here as a
  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 1717
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7456 on: June 08, 2021, 04:31:44 pm »
Me: “Excuse me, are these ‘genetically modified’ carrots?”
Grocer: “No, why do you ask?”
Carrot: “Yeah, why do you ask?”
Plateaus are the highest form of flattery.

Offline tony from suffolk

  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 3053
  • Old codger
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7457 on: June 10, 2021, 09:19:54 pm »
I was an hour late getting to the railway station today. Luckily, the train was still there waiting for me - I suppose that's one of the advantages of being the driver.
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline tony from suffolk

  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 3053
  • Old codger
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7458 on: June 11, 2021, 09:19:23 am »
“I love you loads, honeypie." My wife said to me earlier.
I replied, "And I love you tons."
"What, no nickname for me?" She asked, disappointed.
Sometimes I swear she's going deaf.
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline Laurie

  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 2326
  • ...and then there was one.
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7459 on: June 12, 2021, 12:52:55 pm »
The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local card and novelty shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss." He then taped it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. "Your wife called; she wants her sign back!"
MNRC

Offline tony from suffolk

  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 3053
  • Old codger
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7460 on: June 13, 2021, 09:41:34 am »
I’ve just bought some horse meat sausages…. and they’re off!
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline tony from suffolk

  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 3053
  • Old codger
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7461 on: June 13, 2021, 03:06:28 pm »
I’m in a group called The Palindromes.
Our first single is going to be  "If I Had A Hi-Fi".
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline tony from suffolk

  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 3053
  • Old codger
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7462 on: June 14, 2021, 06:35:24 pm »
Hmm… my idea of throwing the bouquet of flowers to see who will be next didn’t go down too well at my Aunt’s funeral.
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline tony from suffolk

  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 3053
  • Old codger
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7463 on: June 15, 2021, 09:14:46 am »
Has anyone ever eaten at the Wading Bird restaurant? I presume they'll Avocet menu.
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline Fulk

  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 4538
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7464 on: June 15, 2021, 09:50:08 am »
The waiters have the menu off pat – they repeat it parrot fashion (but only if you wait your tern).

Offline steviet_scg

  • stalker
  • ***
  • Posts: 298
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7465 on: June 15, 2021, 12:13:47 pm »
Has anyone ever eaten at the Wading Bird restaurant? I presume they'll Avocet menu.

Well, I don't mean to Snipe but I've heard it's a bit Ruff

Offline sinker

  • menacing presence
  • **
  • Posts: 164
  • O-Level woodwork BlockbusterVideo Gold Card
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7466 on: June 15, 2021, 01:12:49 pm »
Has anyone ever eaten at the Wading Bird restaurant? I presume they'll Avocet menu.

Well, I don't mean to Snipe but I've heard it's a bit Ruff

I didn't enjoy it at all, everything tasted bad. I tried a few different things off the menu but it was all fowl.



*foul



Ah, well, now, you see...erm...

Offline steviet_scg

  • stalker
  • ***
  • Posts: 298
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7467 on: June 15, 2021, 01:24:15 pm »
I know ... Some of it smelt so bad it made my toes Curl...ew!

Offline steviet_scg

  • stalker
  • ***
  • Posts: 298
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7468 on: June 15, 2021, 01:36:39 pm »
Last time I went I asked for the venison but they said that I'd have to wait as they would have to Killdeer first - then I asked how much and they said £60 - bunch of Robin Choughs. I turned to the Mrs and said, I'm Dun lin, I'm Knot coming here again.

Offline Oceanrower

  • obsessive maniac
  • ***
  • Posts: 373
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7469 on: June 15, 2021, 09:06:54 pm »
Could someone please let me know when the shitty puns are done with and the jokes come back?

Thank you.

Offline Laurie

  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 2326
  • ...and then there was one.
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7470 on: June 16, 2021, 10:48:50 am »
Is 'shitty pun' a type of fish?
MNRC

Offline andys

  • Outside its dropped to under zero, but I'm warm on here as a
  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 1717
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7471 on: June 16, 2021, 11:51:20 am »
Here you go Oceanrower- but you might regret it......

I've just been promoted to Head of Old McDonald’s Farm.

I’m now CIEIO.
Plateaus are the highest form of flattery.

Offline shotlighter

  • junky
  • ****
  • Posts: 809
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7472 on: June 16, 2021, 12:47:42 pm »
Here you go Oceanrower- but you might regret it......

I've just been promoted to Head of Old McDonald’s Farm.

I’m now CIEIO.
Would that be old McDonalds Haddock Farm?

Offline pwhole

  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 2821
  • TSG, DCA, PDMHS
    • Phil Wolstenholme website
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7473 on: June 16, 2021, 02:20:14 pm »
A right load of pollacks.

Offline RobinGriffiths

  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 1188
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7474 on: June 16, 2021, 02:42:14 pm »
Cod help us.

 

Main Menu

Forum Home Help Search
SimplePortal 2.3.5 © 2008-2012, SimplePortal