Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

[Mrs Trellis]

I entered a fancy dress competition as a painter and decorator…
I was the overall winner!

 

[Graigwen]

I entered a fancy dress competition as a painter and decorator…
I was the overall winner!

When we were at Uni together I went to one of those fancy dress dances in the Kings Hall where the ticket price was slashed almost to zero if you wore fancy dress. I went in my normal clothes and got the discount as I claimed to be dressed as a tramp.

.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

Do you rememember Mike Harris going in his wetsuit and passing out with hyperthermia?

 

[Ed]

I entered a fancy dress competition as a painter and decorator…
I was the overall winner!

We had a fancy dress do at work.... One of my colleagues suggested we went as a cowboy and India - he was going to lend me one of his distar and a kipran while he wore a stetson, pistol etc...

 

[Graigwen]

Do you rememember Mike Harris going in his wetsuit and passing out with hyperthermia?

I think you may just have filled in a gap in my memory.

On another occasion I went as part of a three man caving party. We attracted a bit of attention as we were using our carbide lamps, which we topped up during the evening with draught Bass. It was not really a good idea to connect ourselves with 60 foot of rope, as this caused chaos on the dance floor. I know Martiin Walton was also on the rope but could not remember who the third person was. Martin and myself were not wearing wet suits on this occasion. Eventually myself and Martin were chatting up two girls from CLW (the librarianship college) and I untied myself from the rope and tied one of the girls onto Martin, while myself and the other girl went outside to the beach to do something else. I remember being berated the next day about not helping to take the rope back to Carp washroom.

I owe Mike an e-mail so I'll ask him about this.

Another time I had been making a wetsuit and before I cut out the face I made eyeholes and a mouth. I wore a wetsuit top and the hood. Equipped with a length of rope tied into an approprite knot I went to one of those dances as a hangman. I had the foresight to take a couple of straws to aid drinking beer.

They were good times!

.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I feel sorry for the staff in Greggs in this weather.
They must be baking in there!

 

[Mrs Trellis]

To all the dads out there,
get revenge on your children by running into their rooms at 4am tomorrow to ask if you can open your Fathers Day presents!

 

[Mrs Trellis]

Filled my car up for £147 but drove off without paying.
Got fined £75... Follow me for more money saving tips.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

A husband and wife are on their 10th anniversary.
The wife undresses and says: "What did you think when I stripped 10 years ago?"
He says: "I wanted to f*** your brains out and suck your tits dry!"
She says: "What are you thinking now?"
"Looks like I did a pretty good job!"

 

[TheBitterEnd]

It seems that the recipe called for 'dessicated coconut' not 'defecated coconut.' Apologies to all at the barbecue tonight.

 

[Roger W]

Opened my wardrobe door this morning and all these pesky little insects were flying about in there.

They were having a moth ball.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

My mum got stopped by the police the other day because she was knitting whilst driving.
The policeman said, "Pull over!"
She replied, "No, a scarf!"

 

[Mrs Trellis]

My porn star mate recently passed away...
As a mark of respect we scattered his ashes over his wife's face!

 

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[Mrs Trellis]

Last night after dinner was over I cleared the table.......
I needed a run up but managed it with ease.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I always stand on one leg at the ATM when checking my balance.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

Man walks into a bar with a pork pie sellotaped to his head
Barman: "Excuse me, why have you got a pork pie sellotaped to your head?"
Man: "I do this every Tuesday!"
Barman: "But it's Thursday today!"
Man: "Oh I must look a right twat!"

 

[Oceanrower]

Man walks into a bar with a pork pie sellotaped to his head
Barman: "Excuse me, why have you got a pork pie sellotaped to your head?"
Man: "I do this every Tuesday!"
Barman: "But it's Thursday today!"
Man: "Oh I must look a right twat!"

Stop. Please!

 

[Mrs Trellis]

Skydiving without a parachute is a once in a lifetime experience!

 

[RobinGriffiths]

Goldfish swims into a bar, and the barman asks 'Why the long faeces?'



Experimental meta joke (c)2022