Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[Mrs Trellis]

"I've put a grand behind the bar. Keep an eye on your Uncle!"

 

[RobinGriffiths]

Did you hear about the bloke who taught his dog to play the trumpet on the District and Northern lines?

Went from Barking to Tooting within an hour.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

My favourite piece of furniture is my reclining chair....
we go back a long way.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I failed an exam beacuse I ate the exam paper.

It was ok though as I passed it the day after.

 

[andys]

Don't forget to complete your week of mourning and solemnity by watching the England men's football team on Friday.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

A man walks into a bakery with a salmon under his arm and asks;
“Do you have fish cakes?”
The man behind the counter replies, “No”.
“That’s a shame, it’s his birthday”.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

Just received an invoice from the Origami Society...
I'm not sure what to make of it.

 

[TheBitterEnd]

 

[TheBitterEnd]

 

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[tony from suffolk]

The salesman in the furniture store told me the settee would seat five people without any problems. Then it occurred to me - I don’t think I know five people without any problems.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

After going to the trouble of buying dinner for two, wine, flowers and chocolate, I would have thought that getting a blowjob would be the least I could expect...
Apparently not, and the checkout girl even called the manager!

 

[Mrs Trellis]

What's worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face?

Finding out it was traced!

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I asked at the chemist today, "Do you have anything to clear up diarrhoea?"
The pharmacist said, "Try these tablets."
I replied, "No, I mean like a mop and bucket. I've just crapped on your floor!"

 

[Mrs Trellis]

Sadly we’ve lost some of our local businesses recently.
The bra shop has gone bust, the watch-menders has called time,
the paper shop folded, the shoe repairers has been soled,
the food blender factory gone into liquidation,
and the TV aerial shop called in the receivers...

 

[Fulk]

Did the builders go to the wall? And I bet the tool shop got hammered (or possibly axed). As for the fishmongers, they merely went to another place.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

Here's an old bar joke..............

https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1575445880710242306

 

[cavingbiker]

Stop horsing around will ya.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I entered a blindfolded masturbation competition...
f*** knows where I came!