Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

[Mrs Trellis]

After £1 million worth of sex toys are stolen from a lorry in Kettering,
police say the suspects may be sitting on the evidence
and it's unlikely they'll come quietly!

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I'm not sure what shocked the postman more...
The fact that I knew where he lived or that I came to the door completely naked.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

Liz Truss has spoken today to Ukraine's president about the ongoing crisis.
Zelensky promised to provide all the assistance he could!

 

[Mrs Trellis]

A woman came up to me in the gym and asked if I knew which exercises would help her lose weight.
I said, "Try shaking your head from side to side."
She replied, "How often should I do that?"
I remarked, "Every time someone offers you food!"

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I recently bought a toilet brush…
To cut a long story short, I'm going back to toilet paper!

 

[Mrs Trellis]

Viagra is for softies!

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I've just made my hamster a strong coffee...
I don't want him falling asleep at the wheel!

 

[Mrs Trellis]

A man shouts to his wife, "Come here and look at my clock."
She walks in to find him naked with a hard on.
She says, "That's not a clock!"
He says, "It will be when you put two hands and a face on it!"

 

[Mrs Trellis]

As I watched the dog chasing his tail, I thought dogs are easily amused...
Then I realised I was watching the dog chase his tail!

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I saw an elderly man at Asda collecting the trolleys…
He must have been pushing seventy!

 

[andys]

Just put an electric fence around my property. The neighbour's dead against it..

 

[Mrs Trellis]

A wife is a bit like an old television...
It used to look good, but now it's too big for the room and you can't afford a newer model, so you bang it anyway to keep it going!

 

[BikinGlynn]

After £1 million worth of sex toys are stolen from a lorry in Kettering,
police say the suspects may be sitting on the evidence
and it's unlikely they'll come quietly!

What are u suggeting about people from Kettering

 

[BikinGlynn]

English man, Irish man & Scotsman walk into a bar.
Barman says "Is this some kind of a joke"!

 

[Mrs Trellis]

Man Utd

 

[Mrs Trellis]

What’s six inches long has a big purple head on it and sends women crazy?
A twenty pound note!

 

[Brains]

Following the change from the late Queen to the new King, a childrens TV company has decided to commission an updated version "The Queens Nose" where a magic 50 pence coin worked by rubbing that bit of the embossed portrait. The new series will be called "The Kings Ear"

 

[Graigwen]

.



Ogof Draenen has only one entrance.


.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

Man walks into a bar with a pork pie sellotaped to his head
Barman: "Excuse me, why have you got a pork pie sellotaped to your head?"
Man: "I do this every Tuesday!"
Barman: "But it's Thursday today!"
Man: "Oh I must look a right twat!"

 

[Mrs Trellis]