Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

[oldfart]

Beans, beans...they're good for your heart--
The more you eat, the more you fart
The more you fart, the better you feel!
Have some beans with every meal!

 

[GarDouth]

Dentists are going on strike on Tuesday.
Brace yourselves.

 

[wormster]

Deck your balls with boughs of holly,
Scream the house down and be jolly!!

 

[Mrs Trellis]

ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

 

[Tricky Dicky]

What do you call a monkey in a mine field?

A baboom

 

[hoehlenforscher]

A nurse is giving a male patient a check over. Afterwards she says to him ‘I’ve been in nursing for 30 years but I’ve never seen anyone with a penis shaped like a saxophone before.’

He says ‘It’s unusual but all the family have genitals shaped like musical instruments’

Nurse says ‘ Hang on, that reminds me – I saw a woman with a vagina like a mouth organ last week.’

‘That’ll be our Monica…’

 

[GarDouth]

Anyone wanting to join my Christmas choir?
So far, it’s just Dean, Don, Mary, Lee and I.

 

[alanw]

Anyone wanting to join my Christmas choir?
So far, it’s just Dean, Don, Mary, Lee and I.

Emma Dreaming
Arthur White
Chris Muss

White Christmas cast list

 

[RobinGriffiths]

Emma Dreaming
Arthur White
Chris Muss
Jess Likedy
Juan Swee
Hugh Sterno

Wendy Treetops-Glissen
Ann Chilled-Wren
Liz Anne
“Two Ears” Laybelle
Cindy Snow

Emma Dreaming
Arthur White
Chris Musswit
Avery Criss
Miss Carr
Dai Wright

Mayor Dazeby
Mary-Ann Bright
Anna-May Hall-York-Rhys
Mrs B White

courtesy of The Goodies

 

[andys]

Advances in DNA research have led to scientists discovering that the first two humans on earth were actually Cockneys. Would you Adam and Eve it?

 

[Mrs Trellis]

Just rang Argos to see if they had the game 'Operation' in stock…
Apparently there's a two year waiting list!

 

[GarDouth]

I nearly got knocked off my bike by a council salt lorry tonight.
"You idiot!" I shouted, through gritted teeth.

 

[ChrisB]

Why do mathematicians confuse Halloween and Christmas?

Because 31(Oct) = 25(Dec)

 

[TheBitterEnd]

 

[TheBitterEnd]

 

[TheBitterEnd]

 

[TheBitterEnd]

 

[andys]

Anyone you know, Tony from Suffolk?

 

[alanw]

Anyone you know, Tony from Suffolk?

No by-line, but the Suffolk Gazette's Crime Editor is Rob Banks; Crime Correspondent: Hugh Dunnett

 

[pwhole]

If you've ever flicked through the US John Deere merchandising catalogue, this strange behaviour could have an explanation.