I understand Tony from Suffolk has got over that fetish..... He is now an ex-tractor fan
Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
- Thread starter Mrs Trellis
- Start date
royfellows
Well-known member
Q- "How did they first split the atom"
A- Put it in the post marked "Fragile"
A- Put it in the post marked "Fragile"
paul
Moderator
That reminds me of one of the many stories our chemistry teacher at school told us. While sitting on a bench on a railway platform waiting for a train, he saw a porter moving a large wooden crate by lifting on edge of the bottom of the crate and tipping it over and over as he went along the platform.
As the porter and crate passed him, he could hear as well as the loud bang as the crate once again landed on a different side on the platform, the loud tinkling of broken glass. He also noticed the large obvious stickers on the crate saying "FRAGILE - HANDLE CAREFULLY"...
As the porter and crate passed him, he could hear as well as the loud bang as the crate once again landed on a different side on the platform, the loud tinkling of broken glass. He also noticed the large obvious stickers on the crate saying "FRAGILE - HANDLE CAREFULLY"...
davel
Member
Sometime in the 1960s I saw a porter throw a small package from one platform at Bangor station to another. The two platforms concerned had four running lines between them, so probably at least 13 m !
Dave
royfellows
Well-known member
Causing some amusement. Not my original in fairness, was in an email from Robert Hall.
tony from suffolk
Well-known member
TheBitterEnd
Well-known member
Veni, Vidi, Velcro
I Came, I Saw, I stuck Around...
I Came, I Saw, I stuck Around...
TheBitterEnd
Well-known member
Anybody else finding that Dry January is dragging on a bit?
andys
Well-known member
I was doing really well until that awful hangover yesterday.
paul
Moderator
"Last Saturday night we were dressed and ready to go out to a party. We turned on a night light, covered our pet budgie and put the cat in the garden.
Because we knew we would be having a few drinks, we called a taxi. As we walked out the door the cat we had put out in the garden, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.
My wife goes on out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, saying "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother." A few minutes later I get into the cab.
'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as we drove away. 'That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the garden! She better not shit in the vegetable garden again!'
The silence in the cab was deafening."
Because we knew we would be having a few drinks, we called a taxi. As we walked out the door the cat we had put out in the garden, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.
My wife goes on out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, saying "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother." A few minutes later I get into the cab.
'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as we drove away. 'That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the garden! She better not shit in the vegetable garden again!'
The silence in the cab was deafening."
tony from suffolk
Well-known member
I went into hardware store this morning and asked for some nails.
The assistant asked: "How long do you want them?”
I said: “I want to keep them”.
The assistant asked: "How long do you want them?”
I said: “I want to keep them”.
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
Cinema warning:-
They wouldn't take a £50 note for my pick'n'mix purchase. In the end I had to pay with two twenties and a tenner.
They wouldn't take a £50 note for my pick'n'mix purchase. In the end I had to pay with two twenties and a tenner.
tony from suffolk
Well-known member
Potatoes make chips, crisps, mash, roasts, and vodka. It’s like the other vegetables aren’t even trying!
TheBitterEnd
Well-known member
tony from suffolk
Well-known member
A Jehovah’s witness knocked on my door the other day. I let him in, took him to the kitchen, gave him a coffee and asked “So, what do you want to talk about?”
He said “I don’t know, I never got this far before”.
He said “I don’t know, I never got this far before”.
tony from suffolk
Well-known member
Identification by dental records is sometimes necessary. But if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?