Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

[Mrs Trellis]

We flew back with a female pilot and some passengers were unhappy with that.

I think that's a mean sexist attitude - I mean she didn't have to reverse it.

 

[TheBitterEnd]

 

[tony from suffolk]

A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen.”

“That’s a beautiful name,” he replied. "Is it a family name?”

“No,” she replied. "As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore, I chose "Carmen”

“What’s your name?” she asked.

”B.J. Titsengolf.”

 

[Mrs Trellis]

When I was young, I was poor - but after years of hard work, I am no longer young!

 

[Tricky Dicky]

How come phonetic isn't spelt with an "f"?

 

[TheBitterEnd]

How come phonetic isn't spelt with an "f"?

And what about the silent P, as in swimming?

 

[Tricky Dicky]

Got mugged by six dwarves last night.

Not happy!.....

 

[tony from suffolk]

Next time your wife gets angry, drape a towel round her shoulders like a cape & say “Now you're super-angry!” She'll calm right down.

 

[Tricky Dicky]

And what about the silent P, as in swimming?

Q: Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl go to the toilet?

A: Because the P is silent.

 

[andys]

Constipation isn't my most favourite health condition. But it's a solid number two.

 

[wormster]

How do you make a baby float??

1 measure of lemonade, 2 scoops of ice cream and 2 scoops of baby!!

 

[TheBitterEnd]

After a lot of deliberation I have decided to give dry January a go.

 

[TheBitterEnd]

 

[Pitlamp]

After a lot of deliberation I have decided to give dry January a go.

Wassup Bitter end - too much month at the end of the money?

 

[Tricky Dicky]

A tanker carrying red paint has collided with a tanker carrying blue paint.





Over 500 sailors have been marooned.

 

[GarDouth]

I got into a fight with a bloke who had a sword. He cut my arms, legs and torso off...
So I quit whilst I was a head.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

Mary Poppins has stopped giving blow jobs whilst wearing lipstick......
apparently the super colour fragile lipstick makes the dicks atrocious!

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I've just attended a training course to learn about the most effective way of creating tunnels.

It was boring.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

The most common sexual position for married couples is doggy style.
Where the husband sits and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead!

 

[tony from suffolk]

“Anyway doctor, I applied the haemorrhoid cream and got a nasty reaction”.
“Where did you apply it?”
“On the bus.”