Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

[legendrider]

"Knives made from frozen human faeces do not work" . Not not a joke but a report in the Journal of Archaeological Science.

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2352409X19305371

Is that what is known as a "turdicle"?

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I went for an eye test today and the optometrist asked me if I could read the bottom line of the chart.

"Certainly" I replied "Printed by F. Jackson & Co. Huddersfield".

 

[Mrs Trellis]

Gareth Southgate has passed his resignation to the FA.
They passed it to Rice , he passed it to Bellingham, he passed it sideways to Kane who passed it back to the keeper

 

[Mrs Trellis]

Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me.
It means a lot

 

[GarDouth]

Two wind turbines in a field.
One says to the other: "What kind of music to you like?"
The other replies: "I'm a heavy metal fan."

 

[mikem]

From FB

 

[Mrs Trellis]

Two wind turbines in a field.
One says to the other: "What kind of music to you like?"
The other replies: "I'm a heavy metal fan."

K375 for me. Masterpiece. Only my nether regions compete after Greek food.

 

[Boy Engineer]

K375 for me. Masterpiece. Only my nether regions compete after Greek food.

K361 for me .

 

[Mrs Trellis]

King Charles has cancelled his upcoming US visit in case he's a target for a shooter

 

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[Mrs Trellis]

Just would like to point out that whoever said that masturbating with a dead hand is better, is absolutely wrong…

It completely ruined the funeral!

 

[Mrs Trellis]

The builders working on my extension had to stop because someone has pinched their electric cement mixer…

Police have a few leads but nothing concrete!

 

[GarDouth]

Overall I think my first week at Cloudstrike went quite well. Just a couple of little mistakes.

 

[andys]

At any one time, somewhere in the world..... 30million people are kissing before sex, 80million are actually having sex, and 25million are relaxing afterwards. And 1 lonely soul is reading this: just hang on in there mate!

 

[Mrs Trellis]

A cannibal comes home from holiday on crutches with only one leg.
"Had a good holiday?"
"That's the last time I go self catering!"

 

[andys]

Lance is a very uncommon name for a man these days. Back in medieval times men were called Lance a lot.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I got banned from the zoo yesterday for making a parrot laugh...

it's polly tickle correctness gone mad!

 

[GarDouth]

Well. Well. Well.
I've just found three huge holes with water in them.

 

[ChrisB]

That reminds me of a job I had drilling holes for artesian water - it was well boring!

 

[Mrs Trellis]

Not a joke..............