Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

[Fulk]

Heard of the new fad for glass coffins?



I dunno . . .





remains to be seen.

 

[cavingbiker]

Heard of the new fad for glass coffins?



I dunno . . .





remains to be seen.

This thread definitely needs a groan button

 

[GarDouth]

Astronaut 1: “Hi mate, I can’t find any milk for my coffee.”
Astronaut 2: “In space, no one can. Here, use cream.”

 

[Space Doubt Caver]

 

[legendrider]

Barista: "Cream in your coffee sir?"
Customer: "No, thanks, I'd rather drink it"

 

[TheBitterEnd]

The World Ruler Twanging championship inaugural competition is due to be held next year, somewhere in the Dordogne.

 

[Space Doubt Caver]

 

[RobinGriffiths]

My son got a part in a school play as a chap that’s been married 25 years. I said never mind son you might get a speaking part next time

 

[legendrider]

The World Ruler Twanging championship inaugural competition is due to be held next year, somewhere in the Dordogne.

And the International Rubber-Band-Flicking Jamboree is taking place in PyongYang

 

[legendrider]

What is the difference between 'hard' and 'light'?

You can get to sleep with a light on

 

[tony from suffolk]

Due to personal reasons, I will be saying “Aye!” and “Arr!” from now on.

Please respect my piracy during this difficult time.

 

[RobinGriffiths]

My arse was sore after a curry. The wife said "ringsting" I said 'why?, what will he know about it?

A clown turned up for work late on his first day and he got sacked from the circus. He’s suing for funfair dismissal.

I very recently got crushed by a pile of books. But I suppose I’ve only got me shelf to blame.

I went to the doctor the other day and he said you’ve got hypochondria. I said oh god not that as well.

I used to play the triangle in a reggae band but I left because it was just one ting after another.

I accidentally swallowed some string last night. I shit you knot.

 

[andys]

A woman on the Skipton bus tried to start a conversation with me yesterday. "Do you have any pets?" she said. "A goldfish!" I played along. "What about hobbies?" she continued. My "He likes swimming." pretty much ended it.

 

[Space Doubt Caver]

Phones are so expensive these days, that when you fall over and hear a crack.... you hope it's your leg

 

[TheBitterEnd]

Got to love the NHS - they were brilliant at removing a Mole from my Arse on Friday.
.
.
.
Unlike the RSPCA, who say they'll prosecute if I do it Again

 

[GarDouth]

I refused to believe I was gay and dyslexic.
I was in Daniel.

 

[TheBitterEnd]

 

[TheBitterEnd]

I for one like Roman numerals

 

[oldfart]

I've noticed that the squirrels are starting to gather nuts for the winter. A few of my friends seem to be missing.





Are all of you in a safe place?

 

[Maj]

I bought an original piece of Van Gogh furniture the other day.


I new it was original because it had a bit of veneer missing.