Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

[Mrs Trellis]

You obviously weren't the right calibre for the role

Yes - I was out of there like a shot.

 

[pwhole]

More breaking news:

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I went to a porn star reunion party today.
It was nice to come across some familiar faces!

 

[Mrs Trellis]

"Your nan sucks cock!"
Classic insult, not so funny when she's whispering it in your ear though!

 

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I received a brown envelope through the door this morning that said 'Do not bend!'
I thought, "How am I going to pick that up then?"

 

[TheBitterEnd]

I've ordered some German food.
The sauerkraut has arrived, but the wurst is yet to come.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

There was once a king who was just 12 inches tall…
He was a terrible king but made a great ruler!

 

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[Mrs Trellis]

Be thankful it's not snowing…
Imagine shoveling snow in this heat!

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I can't afford an Ancestry DNA Kit to learn about my relatives…
So instead, I posted online that I have just won the lottery!

 

[Mrs Trellis]

The bloke who invented the automatic tennis serving machine is celebrating his birthday… Many happy returns!

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I phoned the tinnitus helpline earlier. It just kept ringing!

 

[TheBitterEnd]

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I went for a drive yesterday and came upon a dogging site. Intrigued I parked up and I really enjoyed myself.
Sadly though I failed my driving test.

 

[andys]

I once dated a girl who had a twin and friends asked how I managed to tell them apart.

Well, Sally painted her fingernails purple - and Bob had a cock.

 

[tony from suffolk]

It’s so hot at the moment that I left the toilet seat up just so I could get an icy stare from the wife.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I'm doing a charity abseil this weekend so today they're going to show me the ropes.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I saw a bloke sobbing uncontrollably at a graveside yesterday.
"Why did you have to die, why did you have to die?" he cried, over and over again.
I said, "I'm sorry to intrude, but was it someone very close?"
"No not really," he said. "It was the wife's first husband!"