Author Topic: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.  (Read 1222338 times)

Offline Cave_Troll

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6500 on: September 11, 2019, 01:14:23 pm »
If money does not grow on trees, why do banks have branches?

Of course money grows on trees. Where do you think paper comes from?
Notes are plastic these days.
Before they were plastic the paper was made of cotton / linen and not wood fibres

Offline andys

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6501 on: September 11, 2019, 05:51:20 pm »
Masked men have hijacked a shipment of Viagra. Police say they are looking for hardened criminals.
Plateaus are the highest form of flattery.

Online crickleymal

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6502 on: September 12, 2019, 03:01:03 am »
If money does not grow on trees, why do banks have branches?

Of course money grows on trees. Where do you think paper comes from?
Notes are plastic these days.
Before they were plastic the paper was made of cotton / linen and not wood fibres
You had to be literal didn't you!
Malc
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Offline GarDouth

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6503 on: September 13, 2019, 11:45:26 am »
I was in Tesco today and someone threw a block of cheese at me!
It wasn't very mature.
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Offline GarDouth

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6504 on: September 13, 2019, 04:45:40 pm »
I had a job drilling holes for water – it was well boring.
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Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6505 on: September 15, 2019, 09:47:26 am »
Those new plastic £5 notes are supposed to last longer than the old paper ones, but last night, by the time I'd bought a pint of real ale and a bag of crisps, it was completely gone.
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline Tricky Dicky

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6506 on: September 17, 2019, 03:19:50 pm »
An 85-year-old caver was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical Exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."*

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.*

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this -- first*I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. 'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.*

'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an Armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between Her knees, but still nothing.'*

The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'*

The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6507 on: September 18, 2019, 01:12:17 pm »
“Will I be OK doc?”
“I doubt it - Mercury is in Uranus”
“I don't believe in that astrology stuff!”
“Nether do I - my thermometer just broke”
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline Laurie

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6508 on: September 19, 2019, 10:42:40 am »
I went to the zoo the other day.

It only had one dog.

It was a shih tzu.
MNRC

Offline GarDouth

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6509 on: Yesterday at 10:39:13 am »
I’ve decided to stop masturbating, since then I’ve not really felt myself.
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Offline rhychydwr1

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6510 on: Today at 09:39:47 am »
I fell very draprest    Can any body help me?

Online crickleymal

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6511 on: Today at 08:28:23 pm »
I fell very draprest    Can any body help me?

??
Malc
Rusted and ropy, dog-eared old copy.
Vintage and classic or just plain Jurassic:
all words to describe me.