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CHECC 2020 song writing competition entries

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Rostam has had the monopoly on caving songs sung at CHECC Events for too long, and it’s time for us, the common student cavers to rise up and take it from him. Your song can be an original, or a cover, and the only limit is your imagination. Try not to slag off another club too much, they might not do joint trips with you again. Remember to say which club you’re representing!
EDIT: Rostam is now judging this competition, so these entries better be good!

The prize for this one is a wonderful MTDE Collectivo 60l tacklesack, donated kindly by our bearded lord and short wearing saviour over at starless river.

*Disclaimer: Like Shane MacGowan, we are drunk.

Representing UBSS and DUSA!

To the tune of 'A Rainy Night in Soho' by the Pouges

*Video Attached*:

I've been caving here a long time
Down all the years, down all the days
Nearly drowned in the troubles
Enjoyed your sexy streamway

We took the freshers down together together
And we watched them as they fell
Six of them fell down the twenty
Three of them reached the great bell

I took shelter from a rockfall
Boulders tumbling down the stream
On a rainy night in Swildons
Somehow we’re now lost it seems

Looking for blue pencil passage
The hunters waiting down the road
The water rising up the walls
Where is the way out, oh we’re fucked

We found a passage of small proportions
From it came a funny stink
On a rainy night in Swildons
We popped out of Priddy green sink

Now the trip is nearly over
The fresh will never be found
A pint of Butcome waiting for me
Let’s assume that they all drowned

Sometimes I cave up in Yorkshire
Descending Notts Pot or Death Head
While the SRT is thrilling
Swildons hole is in my head
Swildons hole is in my head

Written by myself and Fiona (FionaH) one lockdown night, representing imperial
We haven't got the excuse of being drunk

(to the tune of Still Alive, Portal)

This was a triumph
I’m making a note here: huge damn cave
It’s hard to overstate my satisfaction
[Insert club name here (eg, Imperial Caving)]
We go on expo because we can
For the good of all of us
Except the ones that don’t care

But there's no sense crying over every dead lead
You just keep on trying til you run out of cave
And the pushing gets done
And you survey it for fun
For the cavers who are above ground

I’m not even angry
I’m being so sincere right now
Even though your survey’s shit
And needs redoing
I tore it to pieces
And threw every piece into the fire
As they burned it hurt because
I now have to survey

Now these points of data make a beautiful line
We are out of expo
We have run out of time
So we leave the underground
Think of all the cave we found
For the cavers who are above ground

Go ahead and derig
I think I prefer to drink some tea
Maybe you’ll find someone else to help you
Maybe Fiona [its like happy birthday, change the name!]
Anyway this tea is great
It is so gritty and weak

Look at me still talking when there’s caving to do
When I look down there
It makes me glad I’ve a brew
There is still tea in my cup
And--oh god--the washing up
For the cavers who are above ground

And believe me I am above ground
I’m drawing surveys and I’m above ground
I feel fantastic and I’m above ground
While you’re caving I am above ground
And when you’re rescued I’ll be above ground
Above ground
Above ground

Representing MUSC

To the tune of Down Under by Men at Work

Travelling to the Yorkshire Dales
Hearing all the caving tales
I met drunk cavers, they made me nervous
But the next day they cooked me breakfast
And they said

Lets go to a cave down under
Where its dark and I may chunder
Don’t you worry if you make a blunder
You won’t fall far, you will make it back

Navigating our way through Ease Gill
I was hungover and I felt ill
I said, “are we nearly out yet?”
They just smiled and told me “don’t fret”

We are in a cave down under
Where it is cold and bats flutter
In the streamway I cough and splutter
It’s not that far, we will make it back

Now from the cave we are free
Back at Bull Pot, and drinking hot tea
I said to the club “what will we do tomorrow?
Where is it that we plan to go?”
And they said

Lets go to a cave down under
Where its dark and I may chunder
Don’t you worry if you make a blunder
You won’t fall far, you will make it back

I’m Craving Caving
With apologies to "My Little Honda Fifty" originally by Tom Tuohy - this is modelled on


C                    Am
oh my litle honda fifty, she's rapid and she's nifty
There’s something I am craving, going un-derground and caving
F            G
she'll get you away from the guards any day
Without it I just sit here - and cry
C                     Am
oh my litle honda fifty, she's rapid and she's nifty
There’s something I am craving, going un-derground  and caving
F                 G
she'll do a hundred and fifty on awindy day
There’s nowt like misbehaving - in a cold layby


C                     Am
Well I bought her in the buy and sell in 1992
Well I started caving, long ago, before Corona time,
F                 G
A travellin man in a caravan said this is the bike for you
A caver man, in old white van, invited me for a climb
C                 Am
He was looking for a hundred pounds, well i gave in 82
But I went down, underground, in the summertime
F                     G
well i took her for a spin on the killibag road and by god she f***in flew
Now the only thing I’m longing for, is to slither in slimey mine.



C Am
well i drove her into newbridge, i was lookin for a couple of parts
Well I went down the layby, Where I had been with the crew,
like alloy wheels and nitros and a new push b***on start
Took my clothes off all alone, just to feel the wind whistle through
C Am
then i headed down to roberts town to drop in for a beer
But as I laid down in the ditch, and wriggled round carefree
85 over the bridge in f***** second gear
I felt the burn all over my bum, cavers are allergic to vitamin D



C Am
i was heading out from roberts town going towards timmaho
The Rona Virus Came to me, and I lay down and died
when i saw the guards behind be, sargeant kelly dont ya know
The caver god, unlocked his gates, and welcomed me on inside
C Am
i said oh fuck just my luck and i hit the old nitro (15)
I said, oh yay, I’m here to stay, where am I do pray tell
by the time the squad hit buckets cross, i was in timmaho (15)
But the bugger wouldn’t tell me, so I’m surveying heaven or hell,



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