Author Topic: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.  (Read 1207970 times)

Offline Rhinolophus

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6000 on: April 27, 2018, 09:36:54 am »
Let’s face it, nobody wants to P out of their arse!

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6001 on: April 27, 2018, 10:41:14 am »
I reckon you'll be stuck on the loo for a spell.
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline Laurie

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6002 on: April 27, 2018, 02:25:22 pm »
You'll need a 'the-sore-arse'  ::)
MNRC

Offline Fulk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6003 on: April 27, 2018, 03:08:27 pm »
Ho hum, the usual piles of puns.

Offline crickleymal

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6004 on: April 27, 2018, 05:07:47 pm »
That's got the ring of truth about it.
Malc
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Vintage and classic or just plain Jurassic:
all words to describe me.

Offline ZombieCake

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6005 on: April 27, 2018, 08:05:31 pm »
Trouble with this site - too much verbal diarrhoea

Offline Maj

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6006 on: April 27, 2018, 10:38:23 pm »
Letters score   a line under this run

before we die or a lite'll  worse.





Maj.
 
Confucius say "War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left."

Offline andys

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6007 on: April 27, 2018, 11:36:18 pm »
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah and I thought: ’He’s trying to pull a fast one.’
Plateaus are the highest form of flattery.

Offline dugadig

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6008 on: April 28, 2018, 09:12:28 pm »
Fancied a camel once but she got the hump.  :doubt:

Offline cavemanmike

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6009 on: April 28, 2018, 10:50:27 pm »
A bloke was shot with a starting pistol the other day, the police don't think it was race related

Offline Maj

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6010 on: April 29, 2018, 12:46:09 pm »
I started up a yacht building business in my loft.


Sales are going through the roof.





Maj.
Confucius say "War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left."

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6011 on: May 01, 2018, 08:21:13 pm »
When a clock gets hungry, it goes back four seconds.
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline royfellows

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6012 on: May 01, 2018, 09:21:40 pm »
and when its steps into a boxing ring, its seconds out.
Looking forward to NAMHO 2019. www.cambrianmines.co.uk

Offline Laurie

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6013 on: May 01, 2018, 11:21:46 pm »
Only if it's second hand.
MNRC

Offline Maj

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6014 on: May 02, 2018, 03:35:04 pm »
A woman walks into a chemist and asks the assistant if they sell extra-large condoms.

“Yes we do,” he says. “Would you like to buy some?”

“No,” she replies. “But do you mind if I wait until someone does?”


Maj.
Confucius say "War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left."

Offline Maj

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6015 on: May 02, 2018, 03:47:28 pm »
 My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card. 

 He's a man after my own heart.


Maj.
Confucius say "War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left."

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6016 on: May 06, 2018, 04:41:52 pm »
I can still remember my grandfather’s last words before he kicked the bucket.

“Do you want to see how far I can kick this bucket?”
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6017 on: May 07, 2018, 08:56:23 am »
“I want to win 10 million on the lottery, just like my dad did!”

“OMG, your dad won 10 million on the lottery?”

“No, but he always wanted to.”
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline Maj

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6018 on: May 08, 2018, 02:24:35 pm »
I rang Easyjet to book a flight the other day.
 
They asked me 'How many people are flying with you?'

I said 'I don't know! Its your bloody plane!!'.
.
.
Maj.
Confucius say "War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left."

Offline Maj

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6019 on: May 08, 2018, 02:28:35 pm »
What’s the difference between a piano, a tuna and a pot of glue?




You can tuna piano, but you can’t piano a tuna.



Maj.
Confucius say "War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left."

Offline Fulk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6020 on: May 08, 2018, 03:10:48 pm »
So where does the pot of glue come in? I mean, you can’t tune a pot of glue, nor can you glue a pot of piano, not pot a glue of tuna nor . . . oh, I give up.   :tease:

Offline Roger W

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6021 on: May 08, 2018, 04:49:16 pm »
That was just put in to make it more difficult.   ;D
"That, of course, is the dangerous part about caves:  you don't know how far they go back, sometimes... or what is waiting for you inside."   JRR Tolkein: "The Hobbit"

Offline Maj

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6022 on: May 09, 2018, 10:35:34 am »
I knew someone would get stuck on the glue   :tease: :tease: :tease:

 
Maj.
Confucius say "War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left."

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6023 on: May 10, 2018, 11:02:12 am »
My mum walked into my room and said “You’ll go blind if you do that!”

I was so embarrassed, I dropped my binoculars and missed the eclipse.
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline Laurie

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6024 on: May 11, 2018, 12:07:54 pm »
I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises; then it dawned on me !!
MNRC