Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

[pwhole]

I thought that said Beth Rigby at first

https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1596971623277801472

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I'm not saying we live in a rough area........
but the Advent Calendars have half the windows boarded up.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I have a Jehovah's witness advent calendar…
behind every door there's someone telling you to f*** off!

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I had diarrhoea, eczema and schizophrenia.

Easy win at Scrabble.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I was at a funeral & the vicar said, "Has anyone got any kind words for him?"
It was greeted by silence. "Any friends or work mates?"
Still silence. The vicar said, "Can anyone say anything nice about this man?"
A voice from the back said, "Yeah his brother was a bigger c***!"

 

[andys]

Christmas jumper day today!

It can be a very depressing time of the year for some so I do hope they manage to talk him down.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I couldn't undo the buttons on my Christmas jumper, so I tried pulling it over my head but got it stuck.
I'm now in A&E waiting to see a cardyologist...

 

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[Mrs Trellis]

It's cold enough for posties to wear trousers.

 

[pwhole]

What, you've seen one?

 

[cavemanmike]

What, you've seen one?

Only on a picket line 😉

 

[tony from suffolk]

We grew up so poor we couldn't afford a Turkey; we used to have an Octopus for Christmas dinner. It didn't taste of much but at least everybody got a leg.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

With the UK snowfall we can now see which households can afford to have the heating on upstairs or which ones are just growing weed...

 

[tony from suffolk]

We were so poor when I was young. I once had a birthday party at the local launderette; the highlight was playing pass the Persil.

 

[tony from suffolk]

The World Plastic Ruler Twanging Championship, 2023, will be held in Dordogne.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I feel so strongly about graffiti in public toilets that I've signed a partition!

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I've bought my wife an artificial leg for Christmas…
it's not her main present - it's just a stocking filler!

 

[Mrs Trellis]

Just called the gambler's anonymous helpline…
they said to call back at 10 to 1!

 

[Mrs Trellis]

Just seen a speedboat full of Scouts go speeding by…
They must've been doing at least 30 knots!