Author Topic: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.  (Read 1227032 times)

Offline Tricky Dicky

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6525 on: October 04, 2019, 01:43:24 pm »
What's brown and sticky - and plays the trumpet??




Gluey Armstrong  ;D ;D ;D

Offline Tricky Dicky

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6526 on: October 04, 2019, 02:10:41 pm »
I noticed there is a competition for 'World's best sexual contortionist', so I've entered myself.

I was going to enter, but didn't get round to it............

Offline TheBitterEnd

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6527 on: October 04, 2019, 07:48:40 pm »
What if the Hokey-Cokey is what it's all about?
'Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.' — Mark Twain

Offline Tricky Dicky

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6528 on: October 07, 2019, 02:54:02 pm »


I’ve had such a bad morning.

First I got into fight with a guy dressed as Shakespeare, then I almost choked on a German sausage.

It’s gone from bard to wurst…

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6529 on: October 08, 2019, 07:25:04 pm »
"Spot!" I said. "Here boy! Come on. Come to daddy. Here boy!" I patted my legs, waved a stick, made a panting noise. Nothing. He didn't move a muscle.

Honestly, goldfish are so stupid.
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline Laurie

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6530 on: October 09, 2019, 12:06:17 am »
The last thing my grandfather said before he died was " Pints, litres, gallons".
That spoke volumes.
MNRC

Online Roger W

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6531 on: October 09, 2019, 09:37:59 am »
That reminds me of one that's probably been on here before:

"I really should have listened to the advice my old grandpa gave me."

"Why - what advice did he give you?"

"I don't know - I didn't listen."
"That, of course, is the dangerous part about caves:  you don't know how far they go back, sometimes... or what is waiting for you inside."   JRR Tolkein: "The Hobbit"

Online bograt

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6532 on: October 10, 2019, 09:40:37 am »
Sewage worker tripped up - fell between two stools---
Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment

Offline Fulk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6533 on: October 10, 2019, 12:18:30 pm »
If he couldn't swim, he probably went through the motions.

Online Alex

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6534 on: October 10, 2019, 12:21:27 pm »
One could say he was up shit creek without a paddle.
Anything I say is represents my own opinion and not that of a any club/organisation that I am a member of (unless its good of course)

Online Maj

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6535 on: October 10, 2019, 05:27:18 pm »
I bet there was a lot of paperwork!


Maj.
Confucius say "War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left."

Online crickleymal

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6536 on: October 11, 2019, 11:54:50 am »
As I sat there this morning drinking coffee in my slippers.
I thought "I really must wash some cups".
Malc
Rusted and ropy, dog-eared old copy.
Vintage and classic or just plain Jurassic:
all words to describe me.

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6537 on: Yesterday at 05:58:49 pm »
Emperor Nero was watching some Christians being thrown to the lions. He turned to his wife and said, "Do you know what I like most about this sport? No pitch invasions."
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Online Roger W

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6538 on: Yesterday at 10:11:47 pm »
That reminds me of the time a particularly holy saint was thrown to the lions.   They soon polished him off, but were all violently sick afterwards.

As one of them said to the others,

"You just can't keep a good man down." 
"That, of course, is the dangerous part about caves:  you don't know how far they go back, sometimes... or what is waiting for you inside."   JRR Tolkein: "The Hobbit"