Author Topic: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.  (Read 1136835 times)

Online tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6075 on: July 10, 2018, 01:02:17 pm »
I got a letter from the Blood Transfusion service that said I was "Blood Type E" I rang them and said there must be some mistake as I'd never heard of Type E, they apologised and said it must've been a Type O.
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Online tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6076 on: July 11, 2018, 09:12:11 am »
I hate that feeling after surgery when you're not sure if you're asleep or awake. Or if you operated on the right patient.

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Offline andys

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6077 on: July 11, 2018, 02:10:29 pm »
A lot of women actually turn into good drivers.

So, if you're a good driver, watch out for women turning.
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Online tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6078 on: July 11, 2018, 04:57:28 pm »
Little known fact is that Danny Wellbeck’s dad Stan used to be a bomb disposal engineer.
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Online tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6079 on: July 12, 2018, 01:58:34 pm »
We've got really good pet insurance. While the dog was at the vet, they gave us a courtesy cat.
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Online tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6080 on: July 12, 2018, 04:30:06 pm »
A Yorkshireman went into the vets and said to the receptionist ‘Can tha look at mi cat?’
The receptionist replied ‘Is it a tom?’
He said ‘No, he’s in’t basket in’t  car...’
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Online tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6081 on: July 13, 2018, 09:13:55 am »
I accidentally passed my wife a glue stick instead of her chapstick. She still isn't talking to me.
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Online tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6082 on: July 13, 2018, 11:53:32 am »
A 60 years old Millionaire is getting married and throws a lavish wedding reception.
His friends are quite jealous and one of them asks him how did he land such a beautiful sexy 23-year-old.
Simple, grins the millionaire, I faked my age.
I told her I was 87.
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Online tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6083 on: July 14, 2018, 08:27:17 am »
I read that, by law, you have to turn on your headlights when it's raining in Sweden. How am I supposed to know if it's raining in Sweden?
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Online tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6084 on: Yesterday at 10:56:09 am »
My three favourite things are eating dogs and not using commas.
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Online tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6085 on: Yesterday at 06:50:44 pm »
The family weren't happy I'd put ginger in the curry. Apparently the kids really loved that cat.
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Offline ZombieCake

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6086 on: Yesterday at 11:13:24 pm »
From the bloke with a Fez:

Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The other one says "So are you, you fat slob"