Author Topic: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.  (Read 1443613 times)

Offline TheBitterEnd

  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 1603
  • KCC
    • KCC - Join an active club
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7400 on: May 03, 2021, 07:00:08 pm »

Police recruiters have reduced the IQ level required for candidates wishing to join the service.

The plod thickens.
 
'Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.' ā€” Mark Twain

Online tony from suffolk

  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 3055
  • Old codger
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7401 on: May 07, 2021, 06:23:12 pm »
English is weird.

It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Online pwhole

  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 2833
  • TSG, DCA, PDMHS
    • Phil Wolstenholme website
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7402 on: May 07, 2021, 10:40:56 pm »
Don't forget it also allowed Frank Bough ;)

Online tony from suffolk

  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 3055
  • Old codger
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7403 on: May 08, 2021, 09:04:19 pm »
What is a specimen?

Is an Italian Astronaut.
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline Laurie

  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 2326
  • ...and then there was one.
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7404 on: May 09, 2021, 10:38:40 am »
Don't forget it also allowed Frank Bough ;)
Who had a cough, which was enough.
« Last Edit: May 09, 2021, 10:49:10 am by Laurie »
MNRC

Offline zzzzzzed

  • regular
  • *
  • Posts: 44
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7405 on: May 09, 2021, 11:59:32 am »
Don't forget it also allowed Frank Bough ;)
Who had a cough, which was enough.
A cough you say, that's tough.

Offline Boy Engineer

  • addict
  • **
  • Posts: 116
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7406 on: May 09, 2021, 12:53:34 pm »
When did Frank Bough bow out?

Online pwhole

  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 2833
  • TSG, DCA, PDMHS
    • Phil Wolstenholme website
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7407 on: May 09, 2021, 12:56:17 pm »
Can't remember when but he certainly experienced a drought in bookings :)

Offline Mrs Trellis

  • British Jobs for British Shirkers
  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 1272
  • Daft old bat
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7408 on: May 10, 2021, 07:29:54 am »
He miised out on being furloughed.
Mrs Trellis
Upper Sheeps Bottom
North Wales

Offline sinker

  • menacing presence
  • **
  • Posts: 168
  • O-Level woodwork BlockbusterVideo Gold Card
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7409 on: May 10, 2021, 09:42:23 am »
He missed out on being furloughed.

It was alleged that he troughed his way through cocaine and prostitutes.

When asked if it was true, he coughed to it.



Ah, well, now, you see...erm...

Online pwhole

  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 2833
  • TSG, DCA, PDMHS
    • Phil Wolstenholme website
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7410 on: May 10, 2021, 09:29:44 pm »
I'd better explode this one now as we're running out of options - apart from one but I can't think how to fit it in. But the Irish 'Lough' instead of 'Loch'. Anyways, thanks to Punch, from 1875, for coming up with the best:

"A rough-coated, dough-faced ploughman strode, coughing and hiccoughing, thoughtfully through the streets of Scarborough."

https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=XaYwAAAAYAAJ&pg=PA31&redir_esc=y#v=onepage&q&f=false

Online Oceanrower

  • obsessive maniac
  • ***
  • Posts: 373
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7411 on: May 11, 2021, 12:58:00 am »
Fucks sake. Is this going on much longer?

Offline sinker

  • menacing presence
  • **
  • Posts: 168
  • O-Level woodwork BlockbusterVideo Gold Card
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7412 on: May 11, 2021, 06:21:49 am »
Fucks sake. Is this going on much longer?

Do you want one of the moderators to prune this thread....like the boughs of a tree?

Ah, well, now, you see...erm...

Offline Mrs Trellis

  • British Jobs for British Shirkers
  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 1272
  • Daft old bat
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7413 on: May 11, 2021, 10:28:04 am »

Quote

Do you want one of the moderators to prune this thread....like the boughs of a tree?

For cough
Mrs Trellis
Upper Sheeps Bottom
North Wales

Offline andys

  • Outside its dropped to under zero, but I'm warm on here as a
  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 1720
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7414 on: May 11, 2021, 07:36:33 pm »
A newspaper reporter has been found guilty of the over use of commas.

The judge warned him to expect a very long sentence.
Plateaus are the highest form of flattery.

Online pwhole

  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 2833
  • TSG, DCA, PDMHS
    • Phil Wolstenholme website
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7415 on: May 11, 2021, 09:06:19 pm »
Q: What do you call a nun getting a piggyback from Ken Dodd?

A: Virgin on the ridiculous.

Offline TheBitterEnd

  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 1603
  • KCC
    • KCC - Join an active club
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7416 on: May 12, 2021, 10:15:11 am »
Overall, Iā€™d say my career as a photographer has been a bit of a blur.
'Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.' ā€” Mark Twain

Offline TheBitterEnd

  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 1603
  • KCC
    • KCC - Join an active club
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7417 on: May 17, 2021, 01:26:33 pm »
Boy:  When I grow up I want to be a caver

Mum:  Well you'll have to decide, you can't do both
'Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.' ā€” Mark Twain

Online tony from suffolk

  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 3055
  • Old codger
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7418 on: May 17, 2021, 05:15:08 pm »
I've been suffering from terrible crushing pains in my groin so I went to the doctor's. He examined me, and said, "I can see your problem - you've got 3-5 years."
I said, "How can you tell?"
He said, "Because it says so on the label in your underpants."
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Online tony from suffolk

  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 3055
  • Old codger
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7419 on: May 17, 2021, 08:53:46 pm »
The car salesman said it would do 500 miles without putting fuel in. I asked him - how far would it go if I put fuel in?
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline Mrs Trellis

  • British Jobs for British Shirkers
  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 1272
  • Daft old bat
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7420 on: May 18, 2021, 07:38:46 am »
Mrs Trellis
Upper Sheeps Bottom
North Wales

Online tony from suffolk

  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 3055
  • Old codger
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7421 on: May 18, 2021, 01:07:45 pm »
It helps if you imagine auto-correct as a tiny little elf in your 'phone who's trying so hard to be helpful but is in fact quite drunk.
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline royfellows

  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 1444
    • mineexplorer.com
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7422 on: May 18, 2021, 03:37:24 pm »
a bit like looking for the deep audit
My avatar is a poor likeness.

Offline Mrs Trellis

  • British Jobs for British Shirkers
  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 1272
  • Daft old bat
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7423 on: May 18, 2021, 07:06:47 pm »
Mrs Trellis
Upper Sheeps Bottom
North Wales

Offline Mrs Trellis

  • British Jobs for British Shirkers
  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 1272
  • Daft old bat
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7424 on: May 19, 2021, 08:16:16 am »
I'm a really big fan of the Bee Gees and I also like cooking Chinese food...

You can tell by the way I use my wok!
Mrs Trellis
Upper Sheeps Bottom
North Wales

 

Main Menu

Forum Home Help Search
SimplePortal 2.3.5 © 2008-2012, SimplePortal