Author Topic: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.  (Read 1320010 times)

Offline Mrs Trellis

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6850 on: June 26, 2020, 01:27:54 pm »
I'm not sure I got the point of that joke...

It's awl right - nothing especially pointed.
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Offline TheBitterEnd

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6851 on: June 26, 2020, 06:47:55 pm »

So when exactly is this "old enough to know better"  thing supposed to kick in?
'Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.' — Mark Twain

Offline crickleymal

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6852 on: June 26, 2020, 09:39:26 pm »
I've just learnt that Yul Brynner, star of The Magnificent Seven etc, was a massive Liverpool fan. He was also allergic to aftershave.  That's why  Yul never wore cologne.
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Vintage and classic or just plain Jurassic:
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Offline Fulk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6853 on: June 26, 2020, 10:47:19 pm »
Where's the groan button?  ;D

PS, BitterEnd: It hasn't kicked in for me yet (and I might just be a little bit older than you).

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6854 on: June 27, 2020, 08:47:33 pm »
A cannibal and his son are walking along the beach & they see a beautiful girl lying sunbathing in the nude.

The son says excitedly ‘Dad, dad look at her, she’s gorgeous. Can we eat her?’

Dad replies ‘I’ve got a better idea son, let’s take her home and eat your mother.’
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline Duck ditch

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6855 on: June 28, 2020, 06:08:04 pm »
I’m writing a report on air movement in caves.  It’s just a draft at the moment.

Offline Duck ditch

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6856 on: June 29, 2020, 12:22:04 pm »
I’ve got a job surveying caves.  Looks like My future is mapped out.

Offline aardgoose

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6857 on: June 29, 2020, 12:26:30 pm »
I've started learning semaphore, but my interest is flagging.

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6858 on: June 30, 2020, 08:10:01 am »
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline Roger W

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6859 on: June 30, 2020, 09:32:24 am »
I remember them.  You had to turn the volume up full, and they still didn't amount to much.  Wouldn't buy any more of their tapes.
"That, of course, is the dangerous part about caves:  you don't know how far they go back, sometimes... or what is waiting for you inside."   JRR Tolkein: "The Hobbit"

Offline Duck ditch

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6860 on: June 30, 2020, 10:02:19 am »
It’s probably the best selling tape of all time.  Perhaps it deserves another listen?

Offline Laurie

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6861 on: June 30, 2020, 10:56:57 am »
Didn't they get prosecuted by the CFC for solvent abuse?
MNRC

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6862 on: July 01, 2020, 12:11:24 pm »
All the following are from a Primary school kids test on the Bible. All as written without any correction for grammar or spelling.

1.Guiness is the first book in the bible.
2.Noah’s wife was Joan of Arc who helped him get the animals into pears.
3.Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt in the day and a ball of fire at night.
.4.The Jews were special people who had problems with the genitals.
5.Sampson was a strongman who was led astray by a Jezabel called Delilah.
6.When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus she sang the Magna Carter.
7.Seventh commandment is don’t admit adultery.
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline Duck ditch

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6863 on: July 01, 2020, 04:21:06 pm »
I’ve arranged to go caving with a plumber.  Meeting at the car park between 8am to 4pm tomorrow.

Offline Fulk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6864 on: July 01, 2020, 04:48:06 pm »
You'r going to plumb the depths then . . . errrrr, I think you might have already done so  ;D

Offline TheBitterEnd

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6865 on: July 01, 2020, 07:44:59 pm »
Never buy flowers from a monk
.
.
.
.
.
we must prevent florist friars
'Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.' — Mark Twain

Offline Roger W

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6866 on: July 01, 2020, 11:34:05 pm »
That's why monasteries should arrange regular holidays for their people.

Friar breaks are invaluable.
"That, of course, is the dangerous part about caves:  you don't know how far they go back, sometimes... or what is waiting for you inside."   JRR Tolkein: "The Hobbit"

Offline andys

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6867 on: July 02, 2020, 08:52:57 am »
My obese parrot has died.

It was sad, but still a huge weight off my shoulders.
Plateaus are the highest form of flattery.

Offline crickleymal

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6868 on: July 02, 2020, 09:55:51 am »
From elsewhere
Malc
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Offline Alex

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6869 on: July 02, 2020, 11:58:12 am »
Quote
My obese parrot has died.

It was sad, but still a huge weight off my shoulders.

Was this in a computer game? If so it might just be a polygone.
Anything I say is represents my own opinion and not that of a any club/organisation that I am a member of (unless its good of course)

Offline GarDouth

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6870 on: July 02, 2020, 01:10:54 pm »
My doctor told me me to stop masturbating.
"Why?" I asked
"Because I'm trying to examine you."
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York Caving Club secretary

Offline Duck ditch

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6871 on: July 02, 2020, 08:11:12 pm »
Am I too late to say that I went to the alternative archeology dig party.  Just looking for arms.  I found it humerus.

Offline Fulk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6872 on: July 02, 2020, 10:51:29 pm »
Did you stay within the radius of the dig?

Offline andys

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6873 on: July 03, 2020, 09:16:37 am »
When digging for the tinier bones, it pays to be ulna-cautious!
Plateaus are the highest form of flattery.

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6874 on: July 03, 2020, 07:48:49 pm »
Galileo once said:
"You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him find it within himself."
He also said "Scaramouch, Scaramouch, will you do the Fandango" ....  Makes you think, doesn't it?
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

 

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